Illusion (Illusion Series Book 1) Read online

  I chuckle at his rant, “It’s not my first rodeo.” He laughs nervously.

  “I know, but it’s always hard to leave him.” He leans in and kisses Adam on the forehead before he hands him over to me. He says goodbye and walks out the front door.

  I order pizza for me and eat it while I feed Adam his bottle before bed. I rock him back and forth while sitting in his rocking chair. His eyes begin to droop as he keeps dropping his bottle. I wait until he’s finally out cold and place him in his crib. I entertain myself with homework and watching friends.

  Emma

  I WATCH THE COUPLE holding hands down the street from my usual seat at the coffee house. I watch the way their hands hang loosely like it’s such a natural custom to be touching the person you love. I keep my eyes on them for a few minutes, the guy is looking at his phone without noticing his partner. The woman looking inside the coffee shop, her lips are moving, but I can’t make out what she’s saying. I stare at the man to see if he responds, but he’s engulfed in his phone. The false perception of love, the hand holding tells you they belong to one another, but do they really? When the focus is somewhere else. If your partner can’t even pay attention to something your saying what makes you think they care? What really makes a person care? I feel it’s when they show you.

  I look down back to the words of Fitzgerald and the implication of false reality and the realism of love that flows through the story. I always wondered if Nick ever thought if the love that Daisy had for Tom was real or just based off of security. I don't understand why love has come to be security and stability. What happened to the can't breathe, can't think without their love? The love that Austen, Sparks, even Todd wrote about. But then in a way, they still wrote about stubbornness and pride. Why can't two people fall in love with logical ways of life? Why can't people fall in love with the same baggage they carry and help each other through it. Why does it always involve it becoming toxic or addicting? It’s the way we all perceive love.

  I look around the coffee shop to see people in their own worlds of words, coffee, and work. I hear the barista call someone’s order and my eyes meet the man behind the order. As his eyes meet mine my breath catches in my throat. His eyes are dark blue around the edges and pale blue surrounding his iris. The sight is like looking at an ocean. The deeper you go and spread out the deeper the color. His stare is intense but inviting. My pulse quickens and a shiver runs down my spine. He is the first one to look away as he smiles at the barista. His smile is an odd contrast to his eyes. His eyes tell a different story than what his face shows. His eyes show darkness in too many depths to count. They are addicting to look at, but if you look too hard you might get lost in them.

  I look away and focus on my book, but I can’t shake the feeling that he is still staring at me. I look back up and he is nowhere to be found. I try to concentrate on my book and get lost in the words, but I can’t stop thinking about the man. I decide to go home instead.

  I walk into my house and find my dad and uncles sitting at the kitchen island. “Hey, honey,” My dad’s warm smile reaches his eyes as he leans over to hug me.

  “Hey, dad.”

  “How was school?” When I think about it, it’s actually nothing special. Only the amount of work I’m receiving has doubled since high school. The only thing I look forward to is learning as much as possible. Learning has always been something that interests me because I love the amount of knowledge I can hold. Always being able to hold a conversation because I know too many facts to count.

  Boys weren’t even something I was interested in. I didn’t want to fall in love because with love only comes heartbreak and I avoid pain at all costs. People tend to think you’ll be with a person all your life, but in reality, one person will fall out of love with the other one way or another. I hate the insecurity of knowing someone can walk away from your life forever without a backwards glance. Friends leave, love brings pain, and family is the only thing worth losing. “It went good. The classes were interesting. It looks like the first semester will be boring with all the prerequisites I have, but intro to literacy will definitely be a favorite.”

  “Wow. Sounds interesting,” My dad tries to hide his sarcasm as best as he can.

  “No, it doesn’t. Why English? Who volunteers to read? Sounds boring and like a headache wrapped up all in one.” My uncle Jessie frowns as he speaks hating anything to do with reading. Both my uncles and dad hate reading and are obsessed with anything medical. Since I can remember my toys weren’t normal toys like other kids. Mine were build the body, point characteristics of the face, doctor barbies and all the good stuff. My dad couldn’t hide his disappointment when I began to read for fun. He wanted to take me to science museums, but I hated science. My mom was the reader in our family. She would always read to me before bed before she became too sick to do it. Then my dad took over but hated the idea of it. Since my mom died when I was nine, I wanted to be a reader just like her.

  “Leave her alone she’s just like her mama.” My dad winks my way as I beam at him for the compliment. Being referred to my mom means a lot to me considering I lost her at such a young age.

  “Welp it was nice talking to you guys, but I’m going for a run.”

  “What? You just got home.” My uncle Jessie makes an irritated sound. Him and I are inseparable, and he clearly gets offended when I decide to spend time alone. Loneliness is my friend and I welcome it.

  “You can always come with me.” He makes a disgusted face as I walk down the hall towards my bedroom. I change into my workout gear. I love running ever since I could remember. It's my peace, my happy place. When I need a break of the stresses of life that's where you will find me. I would usually google a running trail and try a new one, but I don't have time for that today. I decide to run in my usual trail that holds an amazing scenery. Open space of dirt and cliffs surrounding me, then you make it to a point where there’s trees that close in on the trail. And it's less crowded now that the air is crisp and cool. I run until my legs can’t take the pressure anymore and my lungs contract with a burning sensation in my chest.

  When I get back from my run, I decide to take a warm shower to help release the tension in my muscles. As the warm water runs down my body washing out the shampoo in my hair all I can think about is the man at the coffeeshop. Every time I close my eyelids, I see the storm of his eyes. The blue that surrounds them is so intriguing. I could stare at his eyes for days. They didn’t hold the light that most eyes do. Every emotion is seen through the different shades of color and lighting of one’s eye. It’s my favorite part of the human body. I can read what your feeling by looking into your eyes. Only people who are void and trained of their emotions can hide them, but he didn’t. His were dark for the whole world to see. A warning to whoever came close that there was danger.

  The freezing water hits my skin jolting me out of my thoughts realizing I’ve been standing here thinking about those ocean eyes for way too long.

  Emma

  AFTER A WEEK OF classes, I have been able to maintain keeping ahead of my class schedule, but being busy with my babysitting job and school I have not been able to do my favorite thing. I decide to skip the coffee shop today to head out for a run. I put in my headphones and set my playlist to my favorite hits of Taylor Swift. I love the person she has become in her new songs, not all cupcakes and rainbows. I decide on Dress, the song makes me wonder if there will actually be a guy on this earth that I'll want to have sex with just by looking at him or at all. I do want to have sex, but with someone who makes me want to crawl under their skin not a complete stranger.

  As I take off running feeling the fresh bitter air hit my face, it feels so refreshing. The song makes me excited to feel something heated with someone. That’s the only thing I actually care for. The lust with someone, nothing more and nothing less. Would I actually put in the effort to buy a new dress to get laid?

  I always thought my first time would be with someone special, but the older I get the
more unrealistic that becomes. Maybe I should just have sex with a stranger and get it over with. Not someone who I trust since I don't believe in love. Everyone is bound to fall out of love at some point. The crazy ideology that someone is supposed to love another human for the rest of their life is a crazy concept to me.

  Maybe I should just have sex with the guy Kyle I met at the coffee sh—my thought is interpreted by a sudden sharp throbbing pain on my knee and my phone flying out of my hand. I see dirt swirling around me as my shoulder lands hard on the ground. "Shit. Are you okay? Let me help you?" A deep voice says. Squinting towards the voice all I can make out is his silhouette from the sun hitting against him. I suddenly feel his hands pulling me up—Ouch. I drop back down to the ground.

  "Fuck. Where does it hurt?" He asks in the softest voice I have ever heard.

  "Uh, my knee hurts a lot," I respond in a harsh tone. Glaring at him hoping that he can see my eyes. I still can't see his face the sun still hitting against him making me squint towards him.

  "Here let's move you out of the sun." Before I can respond his arms are around me, his sharp tight muscles rubbing against my exposed skin. Making my hormones flare up. What is wrong with me?

  "Can I?" He says gesturing towards my knee.

  As he comes closer out of the sunlight and into my view, his face inches apart from mine. Wow. He's beautiful. I think to myself while I stare at him. His blue ocean eyes piercing right through his long thick lashes. His eyes are unlike any other. So blue. The blue from the ocean when a storm happens. His eyes are a storm themselves making their light dimmer than they should be. My chest tightens seeing inside the dark depths of them.

  I know those blue eyes. They’re from the coffee shop, he’s the guy I saw. I run my eyes over the rest of him. He has dark brown hair that is long on top, but thinner on the sides. His body is lean but muscular. You can see how much he works out just by staring at his defined body structure. His jaw is sharp, and cheekbones perfectly aligned with his face.

  "You're staring. See something you like?" He lifts a mocking eyebrow causing my cheeks to flush with color. I look away not wanting him to read my thoughts on my face.

  "Uh no," I respond in a harsh tone.

  "Your knee? Can you bend your knee?" His face is only inches away from mine. My breath catches in my throat with his close proximity.

  "What?" I whisper.

  "Your knee?" His eyes flicker to my knee. His strong touch on my skin holding my knee in place. When I realize that his hands are on me, I feel my face flush again. I feel my heart beating so loud inside my chest that I am sure he can hear it. His eyes move up towards me and he lets out a chuckle. Feeling my hunger of hormones turn to irritation for him thinking that I care about how attractive he is, baffles me. Even though he is cute.

  "You don't have to be so smug."

  "Smug?" He responds with a smirk raising his eyebrow.

  "You dick. Get off of me." As I move his hands off my knee, he grabs my wrist nearly knocking the air out my lungs. His stare is so intense it can make any girl fall to her knees right then and there. My irritation grows into anger of the audacity he has of touching me. "Let go of me!"

  His lips curve up making his face glow into a smug smile. "You're feisty. I like it."

  "I don’t care."

  "Oh, but you do. If you didn't you wouldn't still be staring at me like that and letting me hold you." I let out a frustrated sigh and rip my wrist from his wake.

  "You're the one that hit me with your bike."

  He lifts his hand in surrender, "Yeah, that was an accident. I'm sorry, okay? My name is Austin by the way."

  "I could care less."

  Giving the warmest smile, making me feel like it was summer out instead of autumn, he finally responds, "Hey, really I don't mean to be rude, but your personality intrigued me to keep messing with you. And you're also really pretty."

  "And is that supposed to impress me?" I glare at his stupid smirk.

  "No. I just want to know your name."

  I let out a deep sigh, "Emma." He smiles with an intense stare making me feel like my hormones are going to burst right through my skin. He pulls himself up from right in front of me and sits on the ground right next to me. Our shoulders are grazing each other, making my skin tingle. I can feel his eyes on me as I stare forward scared to catch his eyesight. After a few moments, he finally spits out, "So Emma, what was running through your pretty mind when you were distracted?"

  "Sex." I feel my face turning red as the words hit the air. I turn to explain and catch his smirk across his face. "Wow. Not like that."

  "Hey..." He puts his hands in the air as if he’s surrendering. "It's the twenty-first century, it's about time woman take credit for actually thinking about sex."

  I smile and bump my shoulder with his, only making that spot linger with his touch. "That's not what I meant. I was listening to a Taylor Swift song and she talks about buying a dress for her to basically get laid with the guy she's infatuated with. And I was just wondering if I would ever feel that way towards someone."

  As I finish, he starts moving his face even closer than before. His eyes flicker from my lips and linger there longer than socially acceptable. My head feels like oxygen is being deprived from it. My mouth is dry as he stares from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes.

  "I don't know, try on a dress and I'll let you know." I hear myself gulp loudly knowing that he heard it but made no motion to show it. "Kidding." His breath hits my lips as the words come out of his mouth and I feel like I can taste a kiss from him.

  "Ha-Ha-Ha." I spit out not knowing what else to say. He begins to put space between us only leaving a feeling of emptiness.

  "No, but seriously I don't think you’re that type of girl."

  "And what type of girl is that? You don’t even know me," I ask an accusing tone.

  "You're the girl that deserves a lifetime of beautiful love stories wrapped in one." He responds so confidently his eyes never leaving mine. His response creates nerves throughout my whole body, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

  "Wow, how many times have you used that before?" I can’t help but ask.

  "Never actually. I'm not the kind of guy that hangs out with girls like you."

  "A girl like me?" He stares intensely at me like he is trying to see how I will react to what he is going to say next. He chuckles, "Yeah, my 'hangouts' involve fewer clothes than what we have on?"

  "Oh. So, you just fuck—” His eyes widen slightly at my word choice. "What makes you think I don't just do that too? What if I would let you take me right here?"

  He eyes me trying to call my bluff. There is no way I would sleep with a stranger, especially being a virgin and all. After a while of staring, I begin to laugh—a nervous laugh and look away to create some distance. "Oh, Emma how very much I wish you were naked, but you wouldn’t like the guy after."

  "How so?"

  "I don't do more. Here let me help you to my car so I can take you home. I don’t think it would be safe to drive with your hurt knee." I feel a sudden pull on my heart about his distance, but he is just a stranger.

  "Actually, can you take me to the hospital?" Suddenly he’s right next to my knee, his hand gentle.

  "Are you hurt that bad?" Worry crossed his face, making my heart flutter.

  "No, my dad works there. And he can take me home."

  He instantly pulls away gawking at his own reaction, "Oh. Okay, let's go."

  Austin

  I WATCH HER FROM across the room while she’s deep in her thoughts and nose deep in her book. She hasn’t seen me yet, but I know she senses someone watching her from a distance because she keeps twisting in her chair and taking not very subtle glances around the room. She feels my eyes on her, but she can’t see me from the corner table. A man sitting beside me is blocking her full view of me, but I can still see her perfectly.

  I don’t want her to know that I was watching her, but I want her to feel me. This girl has been on my
mind nonstop since she fell on her ass after she crashed into me. I didn’t expect to see her again, but then I saw her walk in as I was leaving and decided to stay.

  She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, not the drop-dead gorgeous kind, but the rare kind you don’t see often. She gives you girl next door to the suffering type vibes. She’s like a sad poem with a double meaning. She had a lot of fire when I talked to her. You can easily see that she doesn’t take any shit from anyone. It’s enlightening and it makes me crave her in more than one way.

  Her dark chocolate shiny hair lays on one side of her head hanging past her shoulders. Her eyes are casted down towards her book. Her plump pink lips are between her teeth as she concentrates on the words. She’s so sexy without even trying. I know everything I’m feeling are hormones. I’ve never wanted a girl for more than a quick fuck. And I definitely want to fuck her, but when I looked into her honey eyes the other day I saw more. I saw deep pain and I knew I couldn’t fuck around with this girl as much as I wanted to.

  With that last thought I leave and make my way to the running trail I met her at and break free into a run. The chilly breeze hits my face and it bites my bare skin. I close my eyes to take in the physical feeling rather than the lingering feelings I always carry at the surface. Thoughts haunt me of things I can’t have, of things I can’t run from. I run until my muscles scream in agony ready to give out. Running until I almost pass out helps with the urge. It’s the hardest part of my day, fighting those dark thoughts away.

  After my run I go to the bar on the other side of town where I usually hang out with the guys from the gym I fight at. When I walk in the same four assholes I call friends are sitting in a booth. I’m guessing talking shit. “Look who it is. You’re never here.” Mark the owner of the gym remarks while tipping his beer bottle in my direction.

  “Unless he wants to get laid.” Michael says as he laughs, and I send him a glare. Little fucker isn’t even old enough to drink.