Illusion (Illusion Series Book 1) Page 8

  The separation, I haven’t been taking it well. All I did for the last two months was school, work, and run. Nothing else. I rarely hung out with my family and Lauren, which is why I agreed to come here tonight. I spent my spare time hiding out behind books. I was living other lives. I read all the Jane Austen books over the last two months. I hate Austen's work. I hate love stories that are arrogant and all about pride.

  There has to be more to love and that's what I love to do. Analyze stories and the love within them. I also read them because Austin loves her books, which is odd because he doesn't like any other romance literature pieces, especially any of my favorites like The Great Gatsby. I tried to read the books through his eyes, and don’t get me wrong, they were good quality books, but I can't pinpoint the obsession.

  "Earth to Emma?" Lauren says with a sigh.

  "I'm sorry, I'm just out of it."

  "Yeah, you have been since the bonfire. Are you going to tell me what happened with you and Austin?"

  "Nope, let's go skate."

  Before she can protest, I make my way to grab skates and sit down to put them on. I don't want to talk about Austin, but at the same time, I do want to tell someone how I’m feeling. It’s torture. I’m just scared. Lauren never pushes. I need someone to push me. Someone like Austin. I know what I’m feeling for him, but the fear of actually acting on what I’m feeling is eating me whole. That’s much greater than being apart from him. My thoughts are interrupted by loud music coming through the speakers. Keep it Gold by Surfaces is playing, and I start laughing. It’s one of my favorite songs and Lauren loves it now too. I took her to a concert right after we met.

  We’re skating and dancing. Being friends with Lauren is easy. Anyone else would force me to talk about my feelings and how I've been hiding away from them, but not Lauren. She does a dance party to make me feel better. Dancing and skating is sending a rush through my veins. There is no pain, no feelings. I’m numb with the emotion of what my friend is doing for me. I feel like the luckiest person ever. When the song ends Lauren skates at full force towards me and runs into me. We both fall laughing. My back and down my legs are numb from the cold. My face is flushed, but I know it isn't just from the cold.

  Lauren continues to laugh, but I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that I start to cry and laugh at the same time. I feel so insane. It hurts so bad to be away from Austin, but it hurts so much worse to let him in. It hurts that Lauren’s such a good friend and I will miss her when she decides to leave me. I begin to sob louder and start to rub my chest as if that will lessen the pain. Lauren notices that I’m crying, and she comes and cradles my head against her chest. She doesn't ask why. It's like she already knows without actually knowing.

  I know then that it will hurt so much more if Lauren left me, but I can't stop being her friend because she doesn't cross any boundaries like Austin does. He pushes and pulls, and I don't have much of myself to give. If he takes more, I won't survive it. I sob into Laurens' chest for a while, till I have no more tears to cry. She holds me until I feel her warmth radiate from her body to mine.

  When I sit up, she grabs my face and looks into my eyes and I start to panic. It hurts to breathe. I don't want her asking me what’s wrong or to tell her because I won't be able to, but she surprises me when she asks, "Are you hungry? Do you want to go to the twenty-four-pizza place?"

  I laugh, it’s so Lauren always thinking about food. I nod and I get up from the ground when she adds, "Is it okay if I invite Luke? You can invite someone too, if not that's totally cool too." Austin comes to mind, but I know I can't. I’m selfish for my own heart and I know I hurt him too. I can always ask Kyle. He has been a good friend in the last two months. He doesn't push nor shove. He waits patiently and calmly. He's peaceful. I like being around him.

  "Yeah, that’s fine. Luke is basically my brother and I'll just invite Kyle." She frowns slightly when she hears his name. I know Lauren is team Austin as she likes to call it, but if I had to choose in a perfect world it would be Austin. Always Austin.

  I pull out my phone to text him. It’s one thirty in the morning so I’m not sure if he will respond. His message comes a few minutes later, Hey Brains is this a booty call for pizza because if it is, then yes. If not, you had me at pizza.

  His messages always make me smile.

  Yes, you read my mind. Booty calls and pizza. Every girl's dream.

  His text comes right after, Ha-ha very funny. See you in twenty, Brains.

  Austin

  I’M SITTING IN MY car outside the twenty-four-pizza place. I’m meeting Jake, Hilary, and Liam here. My head is not right on my shoulders because I got kicked out of my house again. Therefore, I’m staying at the hotel with them, but I can't seem to shake the fight I had with my father. He talks to me like he hates me and maybe he does. I know he does. The issue isn't even a big one to be kicked out of the house, but the anger always comes from the same place. There are times I wish I can be strong enough to leave. His words have always been harsh towards me, but anytime he feels like he’s losing control he puts me in my place. I don't want to go inside yet. I want to cool off a bit. I have been tensed since then. I’m not even hungry, but I know they came here for me.

  When I walk in, the aroma of the sauce and dough makes my mouth water. Apparently, I’m hungry after all. And I’m going to enjoy pizza at midnight with some of the best people I know. I walk over to their booth and they already ordered two pizzas. It’s so right to always be with them, it feels like home. This is what people must feel when they have people to come home to. "You're so quiet today," Jake says, pointing out the fucking obvious. Liam and Hilary give him a look.

  I chuckle, "You don't fucking say. What do you want me to do, dance on a fucking table?"

  "Can you strip on a fucking table?" Jake rebuts with a smirk.

  "Fuck we should have gone to a strip club," Liam points out.

  Jake and I grimace, "Not my scene."

  "I don't think anything is your scene," Liam answers while looking at me.

  "Yeah Liam, it's a no from me too."

  "You fuckers suck ass now that you're whipped."

  "Whipped?" Jake and Hilary say in unison as they turn to look at me. I give Liam a hard look, fucker had to let it slip.

  "Liam's a moron that doesn't know anything." As I answer my eyes snap to the giggling that is coming from the doorway. I know that laugh.

  Emma.

  As I watch her, she looks so carefree. She’s laughing, but it doesn't reach her eyes. I know Emma well enough to know she’s sad. It feels like someone punched me in the gut with knowing she was hurting, knowing she was here. Lauren catches my gaze and the laughter stops. Emma meets my eyes and I drown in them. My chest aches for her. Her smile vanishes and she just stares.

  Before I can comprehend what Liam is doing, he begins walking towards them. I know he figured out who Emma is by just looking at us. I don't stop him. He’s already too close to them, but I know I will have to get up. "What is Liam doing? Who are they?" I get up and ignore Jake's questions as I make my way to them. I can't take my eyes away from Emma and her eyes are locked with mine. There’s so much she’s saying, and her pain is contiguous. I want to back away from her or hold her till I heal her.

  Liam catches the interaction and he leans into Emma and says, "Hi, I'm Liam, Austin's best friend and you are?" Emma's eyes flicker to Liam as she puts her wall up to cover up her pain again. Emma is good at that. "Hi, I'm Emma," she whispers like she has no energy to talk.

  "Hmm, I've heard a lot about you." Emma's eyes meet mine and pain surfaces in them. The ache to hold her and make that pain go away is cutting deep into me. As Emma and I continue to stare at each other someone comes through the door, but I don't look up. I’m too focused on Emma, until I hear his voice, "Shane?"

  My eyes meet his and anger boils inside me. I hate that name. I hate him. He has everything I want, everything I need. Emma looks confused, "Shane? You guys know each other?" She’s looking at me,
but I glare at Kyle. I stay silent as he answers her, "He's my stepbrother." Fucker. He doesn't need to say it like that. Emma's eyes widened when they meet mine, "Stepbrother?"

  "Don't fucking call me that again. You're nothing to me." Asshole. I know everyone can feel the tension. Even Liam doesn't like perfect Kyle.

  Kyle chuckles, "Okay. How do you know Emma?" Hearing him say her name makes me want to punch him. Liam sees the tick of my jaw; I do this before I want to hit someone.

  He steps forward and says, "That's none of your business, Kyle." Kyle doesn't have a mean bone in his body, so he just blankly stares at Liam. Emma's gaze is burning a hole in me, but I can't look at her. I know that once I do my anger will vanish or surface.

  Someone else walks through the door and I see the sight of Luke, Emma's family friend. He’s a laid-back kind of guy. Always wearing a baseball cap and has a baseball players body. He sees me and his smile widens. I knew I liked the kid. He goes to stand between Emma and Lauren. She has been so quiet I forgot she was even there. "Hey, brotha, where have you been? Haven't seen you since the bonfire. Are you and Emma still dating?" Emma turns to glare at him. Kyle becomes tense too and I chuckle. Fuck yeah, I like this kid. Liam and I give each other a look of admiration for the kid.

  "Shut up," Emma answers elbowing him on the rib. There’s my Emma. Warmth fills my chest just seeing her sass and fuck I missed it. My body aches to touch her to continue to bring that sassiness out of her. I love to see her railed up, she’s so adorable when she is.

  Abruptly Emma announces, "We're leaving." She grabs Lauren's hand and looks my way one more time. There is so much her eyes are saying, but I can't make it out before they walk out of the door. Soon after Luke says his goodbyes and bonds with Liam, Kyle walks out too. My heart aches, it’s so fucking good to see her, but it fucking hurts to know she walked out my life again.

  Emma

  THE TABLE IS FILLED with turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans with corn, rolls, and stuffing. I’m living the Thanksgiving dream. It’s my favorite holiday because it’s the only holiday where I’m not constantly reminded that I lost my mom. Ever since I was little my dad was the one in charge of this holiday. He would cook and set everything up, so when Thanksgiving comes around each year, I’m not constantly reminded of what I’m missing, only the ache of not having her here. The holiday feels almost normal.

  We are all sitting at the table ready to dig in. Tomorrow will be having a Friendsgiving with all of my dad and uncles' friends, but today is our day. It’s filled with jokes, laughs, and stories. My uncles are making jokes, but for the first time since I lost my mom, I don't feel happy on this holiday. My chest feels heavy and I just itch to run. To break free.

  My mind keeps thinking about Austin and how seeing him last night affected me. It takes me ten steps back when I only make one step forward. I’m so confused. I met his best friend. He is the one that Austin can talk hours about. He really loves him like family. Kyle called him Shane. I wanted to ask Kyle why, but after leaving the restaurant I wasn't in the mood for talking. He had given me a kiss on the cheek goodbye and that was it. I know he wanted answers as well because of Luke's big mouth, saying we were dating. Also, learning that Kyle and Austin are stepbrothers is a big shocker to me. Neither one had talked about the other.

  This is starting to feel like a bad soap opera, and I want to pull my hair out. Like this would be my luck. The first two guys who are interested in me are brothers, stepbrothers. Austin and Liam's face were very hostile towards him and I don't understand why. Kyle has always been so nice and sincere, but I know that bad blood runs between them. Even though it only looks to be on Austin and Liam's part. Kyle wasn't disrespectful back to them or gave glares, he just honestly seemed confused.

  "Em?" My dad saying my name startles me and he chuckles, "What's running inside your head baby? You haven't touched your food." I look down at my plate and he’s right I haven't touched it. I frown. I hate feeling sad. It’s easier to block it out than to feel it.

  "I'm just really not that hungry. I actually would prefer going for a run." My dad frowns, concern flashing through his eyes. He knows whenever something is wrong, I go for a run. I have done it since my mom died. It’s my therapy. I have never wanted to talk to anyone, still, don't. The only person I open up to is Austin and I know I shouldn't have, but he just felt right. And he doesn't look at me like most people do with sympathy or how tragic it is. He looks at me like he understands the pain. My pain became lighter that day, it’s like he took some of that pain and carried it for me.

  My thoughts are interrupted by my uncle Jessie's snort, "Since when? You love food." I flash him a glare. Ass.

  "What's going on Emma?" Concern appears on my uncle Jamie’s face.

  "Nothing. Can't I not want to eat and just go for a run." Everyone grows tense and silent at my harsh tone. I hardly ever talk to any of them like that. I instantly feel guilty, "I'm sorry, I'm just not having a good day." None of them say anything, but all shared looks. They do that when they are trying to figure something out with only them knowing. Its irritating being the odd man out.

  My dad takes a deep breath before letting out, "Em, I have something to talk to you about."

  "About what?"

  "I really don't know how to share this with you, but I've been seeing someone for two years now."

  What the fuck?

  I want to cry but not because I’m sad. I am angry. Anger boils up in my veins. My dad has been with someone for two years and he never said anything. My dad has been keeping a secret for two years and he didn't think I was strong enough to take it.

  "Emma." My eyes flicker to him with so much anger, I think I might explode. My face feels hot and flushed. I want out of these emotions. I hate emotions.

  If I could I would never feel anything again.

  "Emma, there's a lot of reasons why we haven't told you." Pain flushes through me like cold water on a hot day. I meet my uncle Jessie’s eyes. My uncle Jessie is my best friend; he tells me everything. More things than what my dad and uncle Jamie share about their past. Bile starts to rise in my throat, and I know if I don't leave now, I will vomit right here on this table.

  I stand up abruptly and start to leave the table. My dad grabs my wrist and I flinch. His hand feels like a betrayal. Yes, I know I have issues. He knows about those issues and he’s selfish enough not to let me in on this. I yank my hand from his hold and start towards the door. I want to say so much, but I can't. The lump in my throat doesn't let me speak. It hurts too much to swallow.

  "Emma, please," my dad rasps out.

  It makes me angrier and I turn to face him. I whisper, "You were supposed to be the only person not to hurt me." A tear escapes my eye and I let it fall down my cheek.

  I start towards the door once again when I hear my uncle Jamie slam his hands on the table, "Fuck John." He’s angry at my dad and that shocks me. When it comes to raising me, my dad welcomes my uncles to have a say, but my uncle Jamie has never put his input before.

  I don't want to hear anymore.

  I can't breathe.

  I grab my keys and leave. I drive as fast as I can to get to my destination; a place I can break free. When I get to the running trail I run as fast as my legs will take me. The cold bitter air burns against my face. It’s the same burn in my heart. Eventually, my heart will freeze too. What a dream to never feel again.

  Austin

  I walk into my house for Thanksgiving and it’s a nightmare. My father called and said that he wanted me there for dinner, but my friends couldn't come. I only listen to him because I want to see my stepmother and sisters. They have grown on me over the years and they never treat me like my dad does. In fact, my stepmother always corrects him, but I know she can never protect me from him. I don't need protecting anymore you'd assume, but little do people know that still at the age of twenty-four I still need protection from him. My father can be evil, but no one knows it, but me.

  As soon as I e
nter the room I want to go over and punch the fuck out of Kyle. I hate that she was with him, especially knowing the terms we are on. His eyes meet mine and I glare at him, but him being Kyle he smiles.

  Fucker.

  I sit down and don't say a word. The only people at the table are my father and Kyle waiting to be served. Old school bastards. Kyle doesn't do it much, but my father always wants Amy, my stepmother, to serve him. It fucking irritates me, but Amy loves to do things for my father. One thing I can admit my father’s unconditionally in love with Amy. I envy that he can love and be loved when he doesn't deserve it.

  "Are you going to show your manners and say hello." My father says with irritation in his voice.

  "Yeah." I get up to head to the kitchen to see my stepmother and sisters.

  My father's voice rises as he says, "Where do you think you're going?"

  "To give my greetings to the only people that matter." I throw over my shoulder. I know if I keep it up, I will never be allowed to come back to the house, but he gets under my skin. I promised.

  As I enter the kitchen the aroma of food hits my face. My stomach growls and I can't wait to devour all these smells and flavors. The smell of sweet Smokey ham and cinnamon in the air makes my mouth water. The warmth of the food projects a homey feeling, but this place isn't my home, even if I do live in it.

  My stepsister Katelyn runs to me and hugs me. Her hug is warm and welcoming. Her head goes right on top of my chest. At the age of sixteen she isn't very tall. Her long brown hair flows down her back. Seeing her jeans and t-shirt, I chuckle. She’s the rebel out of all three of them. She wants to be just "like me" whatever that means. She’s the one I have a stronger connection with. Even though she isn't my blood she’s family too.

  A small arm wraps around my leg and instantly I smile. I lean down to grab a hold of her, and she nuzzles her head into my neck, and I feel like I can breathe again. The only other person to make me feel this way is Emma, but this little creature is my blood and she reminds me so much of my younger sister Meadow.