Illusion (Illusion Series Book 1) Read online

  The whole week passes, and it’s filled with a bunch of coffee dates with Lauren and evening runs with Austin. He’s usually quiet in the beginning and then he ends up warming up to me. Since our last coffee date, we talk about safe things like books. That seems to be the thing we have most in common. We both love literature, but we always end up arguing because we don't see them the same way. We hardly talk about our families which I know he is the one avoiding it because I really don't care to share about mine.

  He knows my mom died when I was nine, but he never shares if he has both his parents or any parents at all. Obviously, he has to have parents, but you never know. There are times I catch him staring at me, but they are brief and don't last long. It messes with my head because I want him to want me even though I actually don't want any relationship other than friendship with him—"Hey, is this a lot of snacks to you?" I jump at the sound of Laurens' voice, I forgot that she was here for a moment.

  My mind is with Austin most of the time. I look over at her and mumble, "No."

  She turns her head to the side with a thoughtful look in her eye when she adds, "You didn't even look." I look down and my eyes go wide. We can feed a tiny army or football team. She has drinks, pickles, all kinds of gummies, pizza, breadsticks, cupcakes, chips, and pretzels.

  "How many movies did you want to watch?" I say with a laugh.

  "Sue me, I like food."

  "Uh I'm not judging. Let's pig out and watch movies," I wiggle eyebrows and she makes a face.

  "What movie did you want to watch?"

  "Fifty Shades."

  I grimace, "Oh no."

  "Why? You read the books?"

  "Because they end up together."

  "What's wrong with that?" She mocks irritation.

  "That's unrealistic, I would have left his ass the first time he whipped me."

  A burst of laughter comes from Lauren that is so contagious that I can't hold back my own. That's what I love about Lauren: She is filled with life. I can't resist her. "Let's watch Atonement."

  "Doesn't he die, and they don't end up together. I think they have like a five-minute relationship." I grin at her from ear to ear when she adds, "There's something wrong with you." I roll my eyes and plop on the couch in front of the screen.

  Once I start the movie my phone buzzes. It’s a text from Austin and I can't help but smile like an idiot. Thank God Lauren isn't paying attention because she would call me out on it.

  Austin’s text says, what are you doing?

  I answer, watching a movie with my friend. Why?

  He replies, I want to see you. I can't help, but smile. He has seen me all week and he wants to hang out on a weekend. A text follows, What friend? At 10 pm?

  I ignore the second text, Can't. I'm already hanging with my friend. I don't elaborate who my friend is on purpose. I want a reaction. It’s becoming frustrating his distant way towards me. He is always so guarded, but I guess that is a good thing in the end for me.

  Another text comes in, Who's the friend Em?

  Em.

  Wow, I love that he used my nickname.

  Emma stop, you can't. I have to be distant. I answer back ten minutes later with, None of your concern Austin. Have to go. I feel bad, but it’s needed for the way I am feeling. I’m already feeling really anxious of having both him and Lauren as friends. I don't want to get attached. It’s easier when people decide to walk away.

  A sudden ring at the door jolts my thoughts twenty minutes later. Lauren is too into the movie to really care that there’s someone at the door. Once the door opens my heart palpitates in my chest.

  Austin.

  Austin

  Emma opens the door and I can't stop staring. Fuck. She looks so good in an oversized t-shirt with tight leggings. She’s barefoot and her beautiful long brown hair is in loose curls flowing down the front of her breasts and part behind her. Her honey golden eyes search mine and I know I look creepy coming over, but I had too. When she said she was hanging out with a friend I couldn't think straight, so I drove over here. She smiles and her smile, fuckkkk me. But then her smile vanishes when she takes in that I’m standing on her doorsteps.

  "What are you doing here?"

  "I came to see you," I answer so confidently. In reality I want to see her prick of a friend and what I’m up against. I walk into her house without letting her get another word in. I walk the few steps from the door into her living room hoping that’s where they are watching the movie. As my eyes adjust to the person laying on the couch the first thing my eyes catch is her blonde hair. It’s a girl. Oh, thank God. As if reading my thoughts Emma comes around me and swats her hand on my arm. I chuckle.

  "Lauren this is Austin. Austin this Lauren my friend." She lets the last two words leave her mouth with emphasizes when I shake her friends' hand. Lauren gives me a warm smile and it makes me smile. It brings a smile knowing that Emma has a friend so genuine. It's like she’s another Emma, but softer. Emma has rough edges and is guarded at times. Lauren seems like the young version of Emma before the world touched her with pain. I keep smiling at Lauren but thinking about Emma.

  Emma notices and kicks me on the leg, and I grab it as I sit a few inches from her on the couch and place her legs on my lap. It’s the most I'd done to show her some affection lately. I just don't want her thinking I want her friend. She smiles when her friend asks, "Uh are you her boyfriend?" I smile at the thought, that would be a dream. What the fuck am I saying. I'm delusional.

  Emma answers but too quickly, "Oh. No. Just friends." I grow tense under her legs and my jaw ticks at hearing her 'just friends'. Her friend smiles politely as she notices and turns her head back to the screen. Emma with narrowed eyes stares at me trying to get me to look at her, but I don't, not once.

  When I finally turn when the movie credits roll around, they are both asleep. I look at the clock on the wall it’s past midnight. When I got here, they were watching Atonement, which makes me smile just thinking about. It's so Emma. She talks about how much love is so unrealistic, but I know deep down she just wants a real love where there is pain and suffering as much as there is intimacy and love.

  I have never met someone like her. Even though I haven’t given a relationship really a try, I still want to at least feel something for someone one day. I decide against waking them and close my eyes to the sight of golden honey eyes.

  ∞∞∞

  My eyes flicker open to the sight of Emma sitting next to me waiting. I look around to adjust my eyes to where I am. It’s still dark through the glass walls in her house. Her blonde friend is nowhere in sight. She gives me a nudge and says, "It's three am and Lauren left in case you were wondering." Oh, I see where this is going, and I can't lie, I like it. I answer truthfully, "I wasn't." She gives me a hard stare before she adds, "Are you sure about that? By the way you were staring at her I can beg to differ."

  I grab her by her hips and place her on my lap causing her to straddle me. The shock on her face says it all and looks like those confuse the fuck out of me. Like one minute she acts jealous and the next she friend zone's me. This is starting to fucking irritate me. So, I decide to go with my gut and taut her, "Aww, Emma don't be jealous, I still have eyes for you." Her face begins to flush under my stare and words. The heat from her body is starting to make me hard, so I stand up still holding her and place her on her feet. I turn and casually adjust myself, now that will really freak her out.

  She places her soft warm hand on my shoulder blade and my muscle jumps. Her touch is not helping, but it’s so wanted. "You can sleep here if you want, it's too late for you to drive. My dad and uncles both have a two-day shift." Before I can answer her, she begins walking towards the hall and again I go with my gut and follow her to her room. I know I’m playing with fire, but I can't help myself.

  Once I get to her room it’s endearing to see her world. I want to be a part of it so bad. For some reason, I know I can't stay away, so I’m okay with friendship. I think.

 
Fuck.

  I hope because there's no way I'm staying away. Her room feels soft and peaceful just like her. Her walls are a pale yellow, but all her furniture is white. The fact that she has a wrap-around bookshelf starting by her door ending by her desk makes me more fascinated with her. It’s filled solid with books. Man, where did this girl come from? I'm not stupid. I know people read, but she loves books and stories as much as I do. I see her in me, in a way I have never experienced. She turns and our eyes meet and lock, I can't look away, but I know I have to.

  It sucks having a brain because my heart is very curious about her. I look down to see her holding a pile of clothes. I'm guessing she wants to change so I start to turn towards the door when she stops me, "Oh you don't have to leave," my heart is about to jump out through my shirt with the thought of her naked and changing in front of me. She will never make it into those clothes that's for sure.

  Fuck. I need more self-control. I don't turn around. I wait for her to say something else when she adds, "I'm going to change in my closet." Relief and disappointment rush through my veins. I turn to her and nod trying to look as calm as I can.

  When she walks out of her closet, Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. There is no way I cannot look at her with hunger. I want her and I want her really bad. She’s wearing tight spandex shorts with an oversized T-shirt that’s very thin. I can see that she isn't wearing a bra. Her nipples are hard under my stare and I feel so lost in this moment. I don't just want her physically, I want her emotionally, but that's where her walls begin and end.

  Emma

  "YOU CAN TAKE YOUR clothes off so you can be more comfortable," I say to Austin as I lay in bed watching him from across the room. He looks nervous and I’m starting to get anxious thinking maybe he just stayed to be polite. If that were the case I’m doomed. I just want to get a feel for him. I want Austin, but I can't have him. I know I'm just teasing myself, but I like what I feel.

  As long as I keep the feelings at bay there's nothing to worry about. Especially, since I thought he was flirting with Lauren and that bothered me. But then he grabbed me and basically encouraged me to straddle him and seeing those deep ocean blues, I couldn't help the heat or flutter that happened.

  He begins to take off his clothes. I’m enjoying the view of his athletic built. His shoulder and arm muscles contract under his skin as he bends down to take off his pants. I can't tear my eyes off of him. He looks like art. The way it feels being around him is like reading all your favorite stories in one. He is soft and gentle, but also rough and guarded.

  Our eyes catch in each other's gaze and the lust in his eyes gives me hope and warmth. I squeeze my legs together. It’s beginning to throb between my legs. He’s making me feel things I have never felt physically and emotionally before. I don't know what to do with all these emotions.

  I close my eyes to shield myself from any emotion and take a deep breath. I turn my back towards him and say, "Goodnight." He murmurs something under his breath, but I don't ask him to elaborate. I can't face him. I’m a coward because I will never truly let him know how he’s affecting me.

  ∞∞∞

  The next morning, I can't move. Something heavy is weighing me down towards the bed. I feel a warm breeze on my chest. I open my eyes adjusting to the bright light coming from my window. I look down to see dark brown hair on my chest.

  Austin.

  His warm body on top of mine gives me butterflies. I stay in place when he moves his head towards me. For a second, I think I woke him, but I didn't. His beautiful angelic face is so breathtaking. His thick eyelashes flutter as if he’s dreaming of something worth a warm reaction. It makes me smile.

  I can stare at him all day in this same place, but most of his weight is on my hip and it’s starting to hurt. I begin squirming to shift his weight when his hardness brushes between my legs. Instantly I feel warm and wet down there. It’s something that I’ve never felt before since I’m a virgin and all. Sex to me was important even though I didn't want to fall in love. I want to be with someone I trust and care about, but not too much that it will break me if they leave me. That person hasn't come, but deep down inside I know it can't be Austin. He wears his heart on his sleeve. It would be too hard to walk away from him, so friendship is best.

  He begins moving underneath me which means he’s awake, I pretend to be waking up with him. He looks up at me with no indication of getting off of me when he gives me a contiguous smile. It’s warm and kind and it makes my heart flutter. I mirror his smile and at this moment in another life it would be perfect for a normal girl, but I’m not a normal girl. Even if I tried to pretend. I have too much brain, too much attitude, too much distance, too much of everything. No one wants to deal with that.

  "I see you slept well," I say looking at his warm blue eyes. They are lighter than usual which I love because they are open not guarded.

  "Yeah, better than I have in a while. Thanks for that." He answers with a chuckle.

  He begins to move again when his hardness brushes against me again and I have the same reaction. His eyes snap to mine and lock. His state becomes a darker shade of blue filled with hunger. My heart’s beating so rapidly I can hear it against my ear. I want to close my legs to stop the throbbing somehow, but he’s still between them. I don't want to make it obvious he’s giving me such a warm reaction. He smiles with lust written all over him. When he brushes again, I gasp out loud. His eyes never leaving mine and I just want to take him right here in this moment.

  "Are you wet?" He asks, his voice hoarse.

  I’m about to answer him yes when a soft knock comes from my door causing me to jump and my forehead hits Austin straight in the nose. He groans out loud as I cover his mouth. My dad’s voice comes through the closed door, "Em, are you okay?"

  "Uh...yeah dad I just...uh stubbed my toe. I'm fine."

  "Oh okay. Can I come in?"

  "NO. I mean no. I just woke up and I'm naked." Austin gives me a smirk and looks at me up and down. I push him away and add, "I mean I just got out of the shower."

  "Okay, come on out when you're ready. I took the day off so we can go out for lunch.”

  “Okay, dad, I'll be right out."

  Relief washes over me when I hear him in the kitchen. As I’m about to get out of bed Austin pulls me back underneath him and says, "Where were we?"

  "Uh, nowhere. You have to leave. I have to shower. I didn't think my uncles, or my dad would be here so that's why I let you stay. Now, leave through my room, it leads right in front of the house, but please don't let my dad see you." He gives me a frown and starts changing. I run to the bathroom and start the shower when I turn around Austin is gone without another word. His disappointed face flashes through my mind and I know right then and there I need to create some distance.

  ∞∞∞

  I walk into the Kairos House; the aroma of coffee hits my face and an instant smile appears on my face. I love the smell of coffee, but I love drinking it even more. Coffee and books take me to different places, different lives and it’s the best feeling in the world. I order my usual large black coffee and sit down in the back of the shop next to a window. I like to watch people. I always wonder who each person is and the struggles they are facing. I wonder if they are happy but truly happy that not even pain can touch them.

  After an hour I get up to refill my coffee because the book I was engulfing myself in was too good to leave now. I bump into someone's back and his coffee along with mine spills onto the floor.

  "Oh. I'm so sorry." I grab napkins and bent down to begin cleaning the spill when gentle hands grab mine and pull me up. I look up and see Kyle. He gives me a warm smile, "It's fine don't worry about it I got it."

  "You should at least let me buy you another coffee?" I ask feeling flushed under his stare. His dirty blond hair is a few inches longer now that he doesn't have the beanie on. His dark emerald eyes are locked with mine through his glasses. He’s more handsome than I remember. He is wearing dark washout jeans with a white butto
n up. He reeks money, but he also gives warmth.

  "How about I buy us our coffees and you have a coffee date with me?"

  "Date?" I gulp.

  "Friendly date." My eyes go wide when he adds, "Oh no. Not that kind of friendly. More like a friend's date, but hey if after you want a real date, we can. I'm a total catch, I promise."

  I giggle, he’s so open and warm something I find hard with Austin except for the other morning. Which he hasn't spoken to me since that morning, not even to answer my text. Why am I thinking about Austin? Distance. I need distance. "Okay." He comes back with our drinks and sits down. He gives me another one of his warm smiles that fills me with sunshine.

  "I love that you read. I don't read anything that's not connected to history or law, but I enjoy it too."

  "Oh. Yeah, I hate politics and history. When I read, I want to escape from the hard-scary world."

  "With this world, I see why you would want to. I'm on my first year of law school and I totally agree that it's not pretty."

  "Wow law. How? Why?"

  "My father used to abuse my mom when I was much younger until I was the age of ten and he almost killed her the last time. It took almost killing her for the police to listen. If I wouldn't have come home my father would have ended…her life. I was put into the hospital too and my father was charged for two counts of attempted murder. But my father never made it to his sentence because he died in a drunk driving accident. I want to be a criminal public defender because I came from nothing and I know what it is to need the law and it fail you."

  I’m taken back by his openness and honesty. I would have never shared that with anyone. Austin wouldn't have either now thinking about it, but I like that he wants me to know. He’s telling me about his past that shapes him hoping that I'll be part of his present. "Wow. I don't know what to say other than you're going to be an amazing lawyer. Why you may ask? Because you have the heart and the motivation that a courtroom needs. Oh, and if I ever need a lawyer, I’ll make sure to hit you up," I give him a wink and he blushes under my complement.