Illusion (Illusion Series Book 1) Read online

  My phone buzzes on the table while it’s faced down, but I don’t look at it because I hate when people are on their phones when they have company. I tuck my phone into my bag instead. We spent two hours talking about life, goals, and dreams. It’s easy to talk to him. There’s no judgment in him when I talk, but I don't feel comfortable sharing things that only Austin knows about me.

  I’m too scared to see his reaction. People tend to get bored when I talk or say I talk too much, so I let him do most of the talking. It’s nice, but my mind does drift on to Austin many times throughout our conversations. I kind of feel guilty being here with Kyle even though I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not dating Austin and that will never happen. It can't. I need distance from Austin and Kyle is a nice distraction.

  Austin

  IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS since I last saw Emma. And it's been killing me, but I have to stay away. That girl is messing with me in every way. I feel like a dick because I haven't answered her in two weeks either. I just can't after I saw her with him. It hurt seeing her with someone else after the intimate morning we had. Which is something I cannot get out of my head. If her dad wouldn't have interrupted us, I knew we would have ended up doing something. I wouldn't have stopped it, not after what I saw in her eyes. Lust. Need. Want.

  It was nice seeing her want me in that way since it's so hard to get any emotions from her to play out in front of me. But then she does stupid stuff that confuses me. Like what the fuck? She was with another guy. And I don't compete, not that I wouldn't I just can't see them together again. I haven't answered her five texts and five calls in the past two weeks only because I'm fucking pissed at her.

  First, she becomes guarded and distant when she realized what we were doing in bed. Then, I see her with another guy smiling. Her fucking perfect smile lights up her whole face like he was the world. Yeah, well he isn't. Lastly, she fucking ignored my call and put her phone in her bag. What the fuck? Therefore, I'm staying away and I'm happy that I am. I'm trying to be.

  "What are you doing?" I hear my stepmother's sweet soft voice behind me.

  "Why?" I let out a frustrated breath.

  "Because you have been standing there for about an hour pacing back and forth. You know you can talk to me, Shane."

  I grimace, Shane. "Don't call me that. And I'm fine."

  "That's your name and I have to because then your dad will get angry."

  "Does he treat you that bad? That you're scared to call me after my middle name Austin," I challenge her.

  "Of course not. Your dad is so loving and caring"—I snort—"Must be nice to see that side of him."

  She gives me a pointed look before she continues, "I know your dad is hard on you and I call him out when he is, but you know why he hates when anyone calls you Austin."

  "Because it's my mom's name. Shane is his and I want nothing to do with him." I begin to walk out as my father comes out of his study and gives me a lifeless stare. I have never gotten anything less than that or more. A blank dead stare. I turn my feet towards the door, I need to get out of here before I hurt him and get kicked out of the house again.

  I need to go somewhere I can let out some steam and not end up going to Emma's either. I've been good for two weeks. I go to the running trail where we met. As I run past where I hit her with my bike, a smile appears on my face. It's filled with warmth. I remember how sassy she was, and I start to giggle like a fucking teenager.

  I need to stay away. I ran for two hours, but the steam still doesn’t come off me, so I decide to go to the gym.

  Once I get there, I know I want to hit and get hit. The high is the best part in being in an MMA cage, but there are rules here. I don't want rules. I look at Mark. He’s helping another young guy around his late teens put gloves on. As I get to him, his face lights up like a Christmas tree knowing what I want. I only ever come to the gym when I want to hurt. He pats my back, "Bro what the fuck? Haven't seen you in weeks. Want to do some damage tonight." It wasn't a question more like a statement. Damage. I crave it.

  "What the fuck else did you think I would be here for," I answer him with a smirk.

  He begins to walk towards the back where the 'no rule' fights happen. I don't fight as often, but it’s better than drinking or drugs, so this is my high since I was eighteen years old. It’s an escape for me, it makes me feel free and untamed.

  ∞∞∞

  The next morning, I wake up to a heavy feeling, like a ton of bricks are laid on me. Even though I feel less weight on my shoulders, I know the fighting helped and that was a good thing for now. I look into the wall mirror in my bathroom, I have bruises running down from my ribs down my thigh. The guy I fought last night was great, but I ended up winning. I also appreciated that he followed the only rule I have and that’s not to hit me in the face. I don't really care other than the fact that my father would kick me out if I came home with a battered face. I usually pick guys to fight that are mature about the round, not a hothead that's just looking for an adrenaline rush. I do it to lessen the storm in my head, others do it for their own demons. We’re all the same, we just have different monsters.

  I step into the shower and the water immediately helps as it hits my back. I feel my muscles relax from the tense stance they are in. As I stand under the water with my eyes closed all I can think of is honey eyes.

  Emma.

  She fills my head all the time. I wish things were different where she wasn't so scared of living. I wouldn't know what to do if she gave me a chance, but I know I wouldn't let her go no matter what. I picture her underneath me again, like she had been that morning, that seems like it was ages ago. The way heat spread throughout her honey eyes.

  I begin to stroke my hard length as I remember that morning. The way I know she was turned on by just listening to her heartbeat beating rapidly against her ribcage. The way her cheeks flushed with color. The desire in her eyes when I brushed against her pussy through the fabric of her shorts, made me want to rip her clothes off and make her mine.

  As I come into my hand, the water washing it away, I hang my head low. The realization of what I just did hist me like a wall. "Fuck," I slam my palm against the tile wall.

  Emma

  AS I LAY UPSIDE down on my bed reading Persuasion, my emotions are everywhere with this book. It’s so conflicting, and it’s beginning to make me angry. I truly believe Wentworth should have left her ass. Like she let her friend persuade her into leaving him, hints the title. And he takes her back. How she got so lucky is beyond me. Can love really be that great? As I continue to argue with myself in my head my phone beeps with a message. A spark goes off in my heart with the hope that it’s Austin.

  Disappointment fills me when I see it’s Kyle. His text reads, hey brains, what are you up to?

  Warmth fills me when I read the nickname that he labeled me with. He'd been calling me that since our run in. He says my brain is too big for my age, but that's what he enjoys most. Before I can answer him, I hear a knock at the door. I go to the door, once I open it my blood begins to boil.

  Austin.

  I give him a death stare as I go to close the door in his face when he says, "Emma, come on. I'm sorry."

  "Come on? You come on, you asshole."

  "Em..."

  "Ugh, don’t call me that." I catch him off guard when I let go of the door just to release it and slam it in his face. I can hear mumbling through the door but can't make out what he’s actually saying. "Who's at the door, Emma?" I squeal as my uncle Jessie speaks behind me.

  "You scared me! And it’s just an asshat." I walk pass him down the hall as I throw the words over my shoulder. My uncle chuckles and goes to open the door. I slip around the corner and lean flat against the wall, waiting.

  "So, you're the asshat." I chuckle as I hear my uncle Jessie.

  "I’m Sorry?" Austin responds.

  "Why was Emma calling you an asshat?" I can hear a smile as the words leave him.

  "Because I am one."

&nb
sp; "Tsk, Tsk."

  "Hey, aren't you the kid that brought Emma to the hospital?" I hear my dad ask as he joins them.

  "Uh...Yes sir, Austin Jacobs." A smile tugs at my lips as I hear the respect he projects to my dad.

  "Sir? What the fuck. Where did you come from?" My uncle Jessie teases before he continues without an answer, "Who cares. I like you. I'm Jessie, but sorry kid the man who you really need to impress is Dr. Foster over here."

  "That's right kid. Son, you don't look much like a kid though, how old are you?" My dad asks.

  "I'm twenty-four sir."

  "You do realize my daughter is eighteen?"

  "Yes, I do."

  "Are you trying to peruse her? Actually no, don't answer that. We're heading to a family bonfire; would you like to come?"

  As the words leave my dad, I jump from around the corner and walk towards them as I say, "Dad, stop. We're just friends."

  My dad gives me a grin before he answers, "Right. Well, your friend can take you to the bonfire because I have to pick up your uncle Jamie and a few others from the hospital." Before I can respond my dad and uncle Jessie walk out the door and I’m left alone with Austin.

  Austin

  "If you think you're going to the bonfire, or taking me, you're delusional." She gives me a cold stare and it tugs at my heart. I know I hurt her, but she rejected me that morning, so basically, it's her fault. And she's always rejecting me with her emotions. I can't take it but fuck I can't stay away.

  I continue to stare at her and let her see through me. See that I really am sorry. Her face softens, but only a bit.

  Fuck me.

  "Look Emma I'm sorry I didn't call, but I thought we needed the distance. And I was busy." Her face flashes with hurt before it disappears, and her anger grows. What the fuck. Did I say something wrong?

  "You're seriously an asshole. Busy?"

  "I know, but an asshole who still wants to be a part of your life and yeah busy."

  "Yeah well, you screwed that up. Just go Austin. Go make yourself busy. I don't want to be your friend anymore."

  Anger bubbles up inside me and I want to tell her to fuck off. "You know what Emma I don't fucking need this. I don't need a fucking brat up my ass needing to know where I was in the last two weeks. We're not dating so, therefore, I don't need to give you a fucking explanation. I'm here so fucking take or leave it." As the words linger through the air, I instantly regret them. I feel guilty Emma has never seen the rough side of me. And that's not even half of it. I meet her gaze and I can see her trying to hold back tears. Fuck.

  I realize that I didn't think this plan of talking to her through, but man I never know how to handle anything with Emma. I head to the door without another word. I feel for the way she’s feeling, but it still makes me angry. When I walk out her uncle Jessie is waiting by my car. He tells me he knew Emma wasn't going to forgive me, but he emphasizes the 'for now' part. He gives me the bonfire address and leaves soon after.

  I sit in my car for a few minutes debating whether I should still go. I know she’s still going. And I need her. She's a fucking obsession. A fucking drug and I need my fix, my high. I head to the bonfire it’s almost an hour away in the middle of the woods. When I arrive, there are a good forty people here. I begin to feel nervous. I didn't know Emma had this much family. Her uncle Jessie spots me and heads my way. "Don't worry she'll be here. She's bringing her friend Lauren."

  "Yeah. Okay. I didn't know Emma had this much family. All she’s ever talked about is you guys and her mom." His eyebrows lift in surprise. Silence falls between us as he frowns, "She talks about her mom with you?"

  "Yeah, she told me she died when she was nine from breast cancer." She even told me about her favorite memory with her when they would run together that's why she loves running so much. She feels closer to her in that way, but I wasn't going to share that with him. I know Emma and how guarded she is, so I don't know if she’s shared things like that with him.

  "Wow, she doesn't talk about her mom with no one. Not even to me. I'm like her best friend. She tells me everything. Her dad even put her in therapy hoping she would talk about her, but she never did." He continues to stare at me with wonder as if he discovered something.

  Hearing that Emma has never wanted to talk to anyone about her mother and she only has with me fills me with pride. She trusts me and is comfortable enough to let me in. She's letting me. And she doesn't even realize it or maybe she does and that's why she acts so damn bipolar. Her uncle changes his sentimental stare at me and takes me towards the others to introduce me. He introduces me as Emma's boyfriend which throws me off guard, but I don’t want to discredit him.

  I like the way people react; they know Emma doesn't date so, it’s a shock to see her 'boyfriend'. I also learned that everyone here is her surrogate family. They are coworkers from the hospital that are all like family. Many of them have known Emma since she was a baby, and it feels so welcoming. I have never felt this way since my mom. The love and warmth radiates through all of them and it feels like home. I don't understand why Emma fights this feeling so much. I understand loss, I've experienced it too, but what she has now, she’s lucky. I envy her because I don't have that.

  An hour and a half passes before Emma shows up with Lauren. The sky grows darker making the fire the only source of light. She keeps giving me death glares even more so towards her uncle Jessie when she found out he told everyone I was her boyfriend. Even though she hasn't made her way to me and she’s been here for an hour no one suspects anything. I'm pretty sure they know how Emma is, so that's why there’s no raised eyebrows. I haven't made my way to her because I love watching her squirm under my stare, shifting from one foot to the other.

  She’s fucking glowing especially with the light of the fire radiating around her face. She feels like light and I want to gravitate towards her. She’s wearing tight jeans with a long-sleeve white shirt and a red flannel over it unbuttoned. She looks so fucking perfect. Her same loose curls hang low on her back. Making me smile to the thought of how it would feel to wrap my hand around it.

  She begins walking to her car that’s the furthest from the parked cars and the bonfire. I follow her, I want to catch her off guard, and it’s also too dark for her to be walking alone. Her blonde friend is left behind talking with her dad's best friend's son Luke.

  As I come behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her against me. I push my face into her hair and neck. She jumps as I startle her, but as if she feels me, she knows it’s me and relaxes. It’s nice and quiet where we are. The distance from the bonfire is somewhat far, you can only hear murmuring.

  "Em..."

  "Austin," She answers in a soft, but firm tone.

  "Are you still mad at me?"

  "Well yes, but not as much now. Are you going to tell me why you ignored me for two weeks and why you were being mean earlier?"

  "I already did, and you were pissing me off." I don't want to admit to her the real reason, so I answer her harsh hoping that she will just drop it, but she becomes stiff against me. Without thinking I begin kissing her neck feeling her relax again. A distraction that's what she needs, what I need. She sighs in content and I smile against her skin knowing I can affect her.

  I had two beers and they are making me feel more relaxed. I’m feeling the buzz, the itch to continue drinking my taste buds craved it. The simmering buzz is making me feel open to Emma. I also know if we keep standing out here with our arms intertwine, I will end up saying something to scare her off.

  As I continue to kiss her neck, she moves her head to the side to grant me more access to her. I grab her neck to hold her in place from the front of her throat. I can feel her pulse against my thumb pulsing rapidly. I continue to kiss her slow and wet. I swirl my tongue on her neck. Her breathing begins to pick up at a faster pace as I feel her breast brush against my forearm. I trace my fingertips on the front of her throat and run them down the front of her chest, down her stomach. I pull the hem of
her shirt up and slide my hand underneath.

  My fingers reach under the cup of her bra and fuck, her nipples are so hard. Her breast fills my hand perfectly. I’m getting hard, so I press myself against the top of her ass as I begin grinding against her. I pinch her nipples and a moan escapes her. "Fuck Emma." Hearing her moan is music to my dick. I stop grinding on her when she places her small hand on top of mine on her tit. She grabs my hand and slides it down the front of her stomach to her waistband and into her panties.

  Fuck me.

  Emma

  HIS FINGERTIPS LAY ON top of me as I pull my hand away from his. I want him to take over, but he isn't moving his fingers and the anticipation is growing between my legs. I don't know what came over me, but I want him. We're a mess, one minute we're arguing and the next wrapped up in heat and lust. He makes me crazy. I'm still angry at him, but my desire and need are so much more powerful than what happened earlier. I want to savor this moment in a box and keep it hidden forever. He makes me want to crawl under my skin.

  His touch breathes life into me. I have gone my whole life thinking I was living, but since the day I first felt his touch was when I realized I was never really alive. It's a scary thought that most people, even yourself included, can go their whole lives living and never being truly alive. Here I am being touched by a man who makes me feel like the sun and him the moon. He burns me out every night while I breathe his light within.

  I’m starting to get nervous from his fingers not moving. I can feel his hardness against my lower back, and he’s trying to control his breathing. His mouth goes to my ear making it tickle, "Em, are you sure?" His voice comes out hoarse, which makes me grow even wetter.

  "Yes," I gasp out. He continues to wait even after I say yes. It’s like he’s trying to battle with himself.